Squeeze Me

Squeeze Me

A novel

eBook - 2020
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A New York Times Bestseller

"If you could use some wild escapism right now, Hiaasen is your guy. In its themes and its wild imagination, Squeeze Me offers some familiar pleasures, akin to a Greatest Hits collection. Anyone who's read him will know what a prime recommendation that is . . . Angie is a tonic, as Hiaasen's heroines tend to be." —Janet Maslin, The New York Times

From the best-selling author of Skinny Dip and Razor Girl, a hilarious new novel of social and political intrigue, set against the glittering backdrop of Florida's gold coast.

It's the height of the Palm Beach charity ball season: for every disease or cause, there's a reason for the local luminaries to eat (minimally), drink (maximally), and be seen. But when a prominent high-society dowager suddenly vanishes during a swank gala, and is later found dead in a concrete grave, panic and chaos erupt. Kiki Pew was notable not just for her wealth and her jewels—she was an ardent fan of the Winter White House resident just down the road, and a founding member of the POTUSSIES, a group of women dedicated to supporting their President. Never one to miss an opportunity to play to his base, the President immediately declares that Kiki was the victim of rampaging immigrant hordes. This, it turns out, is far from the truth.
The truth might just lie in the middle of the highway, where a bizarre discovery brings the First Lady's motorcade to a grinding halt (followed by some grinding between the First Lady and a love-struck Secret Service agent). Enter Angie Armstrong, wildlife wrangler extraordinaire, who arrives at her own conclusions after she is summoned to the posh island to deal with a mysterious and impolite influx of huge, hungry pythons . . .
Carl Hiaasen can brighten even the darkest of days and Squeeze Me is pure, unadulterated Hiaasen. Irreverent, ingenious, and highly entertaining, Squeeze Me perfectly captures the absurdity of our times.
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group


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Sep 15, 2020

Hilarious Hiaasen, as always. So happy he wrote this. A great tale for this crazy and disastrous political climate; the satire was needed to lighten up the current chaotic reality.

Aug 30, 2020

Well, if you ever wondered if the Florida newspaper reporter and prolific author of books about the characters of Florida, Carl Hiaasen, will ever be invited to Mar-a-largo, the answer is NO. He had definitely joined the group of people the President considered “losers” because of this book. Palm Beach and its constituency of rich conservatives is perfect fodder for Hiaasen. Add in the winter White House and pythons, you have got another funny Hiaasen social commentary. Now the President and First Lady are never named. They go by their Secret Service names of “Mastodon” and “Mockingbird” and Mar-a-largo has ben renamed Casa Bellicosa, but if #45 ever read the book, even he’d be able to figure out who was “Mastodon”. Yes, there is a plot, but who reads a Hiaasen book for the plot. This is character driven writing at its best.

Jun 22, 2020

I don’t think I knew how much I needed this book until I started reading. Yes, it’s based in our current reality but Hiaasen has a gift for stretching that reality to ridiculous lengths until you reach a place where you can only look up & laugh. However, fair warning to fans of the Orange One & his posse….you may not find this quite so amusing.

In fact, supporters of those who suffer from inherited wealth, political ambition or general pretension may have trouble locating their funny bone. It’s definitely the blue collar crowd who shine in this warped & twisted tale set in.…where else….Florida.

It all begins when 72 year old Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons disappears during a charity ball. She & her gang of wealthy widows have serious pull in the swanky town of Palm Beach & it’s not long before a full scale search is underway. Alas, they don’t know what we do….what really happened to Kiki (brief time-out here just to say “eeeww”).

Turns out a couple of other people have figured it out. One is professional wildlife wrangler Angie Armstrong, our MC. She specializes in relocating pesky critters & soon puts two & two together as to the whereabouts of the elderly socialite. Not that anyone believes her. But Angela is the persistent, feisty sort & soon ropes in the local chief of police & a weary secret service agent. And hey, maybe they can also help with her crazy stalker.

Hold on to your hat as this takes off in a dozen direction. Pretty soon we’re knee deep in illegal immigrants, angry mobs, dangerous tanning beds & pythons on LSD. This is a little darker & edgier than usual for Hiaasen & you have no doubt where he stands on current issues. But instead of a ranting polemic, he gets it off his chest in the form of an entertaining story full of the colourful characters & bizarre events that have become his trademark. Social commentary is sharply observed & humour ranges from cleverly satirical to ridiculously silly.

This was exactly what I needed in the midst of all the mayhem. Angie is my kind of girl & I enjoyed riding shotgun as the story unfolds. There’s never a dull moment, lots of laughs & characters you’ll root for including one of my personal faves. Sadly, some of the most bizarre bits are probably true.

If your weekend plans included a rally in Tulsa, give this a pass. The rest of you can grab a beverage, relax & prepare to giggle.

Reading tool kit should include: sunscreen, flip flops, pepper spray & vodka (a couple of those little cocktail umbrellas wouldn’t go amiss…).


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